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opportunity.
How to Resuscitate a Dying Conversation
Even a well-intentioned husband who might ask his wife while
making love, Is it good for you, too, Honey? knows not to ask a
colleague, Is the conversation good for you, too? Yet he woders . . . we all
do. With the following technique, set your mind at rest. You can
definitely make the conversation hot for anyone with whom you speak.
Like my prom date, Donnie, you will miraculously find subjects to
engross your listeners.
Be a Sleuth on Their Slips of the Tongue
No matter how elusive the clue, Sherlock Holmes is confident hell
soon be staring right at it through his magnifying glass. Like the unerring
detective, big winners know, no matter how elusive the clue, theyll find
the right topic. How? They become word detectives.
I have a young friend, Nancy, who works in a nursing home. Nancy
cares deeply about the elderly but often grumbles about how crotchety
and laconic some of her patients are. She laments she has difficulty
relating to them.
Nancy told me about one especially cantankerous old woman named
Mrs. Otis, whom she could never get to open up to her.
One day, Nancy confided, right after all those rainstorms we had last
week, just to make conversation, I remarked to Mrs. Otis, Terrible storms
we had last week, dont you think? Well, Nancy continued, Mrs. Otis
practically jumped down my throat. She said in a snippy voice, Its been
good for the plants. I asked Nancy how she responded to that.
What could I say? Nancy answered. The woman was obvously cutting
me off.
Did you ever think to ask Mrs. Otis if she liked plants? Plants? Nancy
asked. Well, yes, I suggested. Mrs. Otis brought the subject up.
I asked Nancy to do me a favor. Ask her, I begged. Nancy rsisted, but
I persisted. Just to quiet me down, Nancy promised to ask cantankerous
old Mrs. Otis if she liked plants.
The next day, a flabbergasted Nancy called me from work. Leil, how
did you know? Not only did Mrs. Otis love plants, but she told me shed
been married to a gardener. Today I had a diferent problem with Mrs.
Otis. I couldnt shut her up! She went on and on about her garden, her
husband. . . .
Top communicators know ideas dont come out of nowhere. If Mrs.
Otis thought to bring up plants, then she must have some relationship
with them. Furthermore, by mentioning the word, it meant
subconsciously she wanted to talk about plants.
Suppose, for example, instead of responding to Nancys coment about
the rain with Its good for the plants, Mrs. Otis had said, Because of the
rain, my dog couldnt go out. Nancy could then ask about her dog. Or
suppose she grumbled, Its bad for my arthritis. Can you guess what old
Mrs. Otis wants to talk about now?
When talking with anyone, keep your ears open and, like a good
detective, listen for clues. Be on the lookout for any unusual references:
any anomaly, deviation, digression, or invocation of
How to Resuscitate a Dying Conversation 75
another place, time, person. Ask about it because its the clue to what
your conversation partner would really enjoy discussing.
If two people have something in common, when the shared interest
comes up, they jump on it naturally. For example, if somone mentions
playing squash (bird-watching or stamp collecting) and the listener shares
that passion, he or she pipes up, Oh, youre a squasher (or birder or
philatelist), too!
Heres the trick: theres no need to be a squasher, birder, or philatelist
to pipe up with enthusiasm. You can simply Be a Word Detective. When
you pick up on the reference as though it excites you, too, it parlays you
into conversation the stranger thrills to. (The subject may put your feet to
sleep, but thats another story.)
Now that youve ignited stimulating conversation, lets explore a
technique to keep it hot.
Technique #18
Be a Word Detective
Like a good gumshoe, listen to your conversation partners every word
for clues to his or her preferred topic. The evidence is bound to slip out.
Then spring on that subject like a sleuth on to a slip of the tongue. Like
Sherlock Holmes, you have the clue to the subject thats hot for the other
person.
How to Enthrall Em with Your Choice of TopicThem!
Several years ago, a girlfriend and I attended a party saturated with a
hodgepodge of swellegant folks. Everyone we talked to seemed to lead a
nifty life. Discussing the party afterward, I asked my friend, Diane, of all
the exciting people at the party, who did you enjoy talking to most?
Without hesitation she said, Oh by far, Dan Smith. What does Dan
do? I asked her. Uh, well, Im not sure, she answered. Where does he live?
Uh, I dont know, Diane responded. Well, what is he interested in?
Well, we really didnt talk about his interests. Diane, I asked, what did you
talk about? Well, I guess we talked mostly about me. Aha, I thought.
Diane has just rubbed noses with a winner. As it turns out, I had the
pleasure of meeting Big-Winner Dan
several months later. Dianes ignorance about his life piqued my
curiosity so I grilled him for details. As it turns out, Dan lives in Paris,
has a beach home in the south of France, and a mountain home in the
Alps. He travels around the world producing sound and light shows for
pyramids and ancient ruinsand he is an avid hang
How to Enthrall Em with Your Choice of TopicThem! 77
glider and scuba diver. Does this man have an interesting life or
what? Yet Dan, when meeting Diane, said nothing about himself.
I told Dan about how pleased Diane was to meet him yet how little
she learned about his life. Dan simply replied, Well, when I meet
someone, I learn so much more if I ask about their life. I always try to
turn the spotlight on the other person. Truly cofident people often do this.
They know they grow more by listeing than talking. Obviously, they also
captivate the talker.
Sell Yourself with a Top Sales Technique
Several months ago at a speakers convention, I was talking with a
colleague Brian Tracy. Brian does a brilliant job of training top
salespeople. He tells his students of a giant spotlight that, when shining
on their product, is not as interesting to the prospect. When they shine the
spotlight on the prospect, they make the sale.
Salespeople, this technique is especially crucial for you. Keep your
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