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they were still in deep space keep the League of Peoples happy.Willow lobbed
the missile at your base, but made sure it didn't come close enough to do real
damage. No sentients were truly at risk, so the League wouldn't give a damn."
"I hate to say it," Tobit growled, "but the kid makes sense."
"So I can come with you after all?" Dade said.
He looked back and forth between Tobit and Festina. The two of them exchanged
looks but didn't speak.
"I know what you've been thinking," Dade told them. "You don't want me down
on Troyen with you because I'm not a real Explorer."
Festina and Tobit had never said that to him... not in so many words. But in
all their planning for the mission, there'd been sort of a kind of a subtext
that maybe he'd be left behind. It was always, "Tobit, you could do this," and
"Edward, you can carry that," with no, "Benjamin, here's whatyou'll do."
Now Festina answered Dade in a quiet voice. "You're a cadet," she said. "Just
here on training rotation. It would be irresponsible of us to jeopardize your
life, taking you down to a planet at war, when Phylar, Edward, and I are fully
qualified Explorers."
"You aren't an Explorer, you're an admiral," Dade replied. He ignored
Festina's steely glare. "And York isn't a qualified Explorer, you know he
isn't he's never stepped foot into the Academy. That just leaves Tobit, and a
landing party has to have at least two Explorers if they're available."
"Benny..." Tobit began.
"Don't Benny me," Dade snapped. "The real reason you don't want me is that
I'm not... I don't look like an Explorer. Isn't that it? I'm just a normal
guy, who never had the rough life you people did, because I don't have a
birthmark or a deformed arm or a..." He just waved in my direction. "Whatever.
I'm sorry the navy fucked you folks over, but that's not my fault. And it's
ancient history. I mean," he said, gesturing toward Festina, "here I am with
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the very woman who put an end to that crap, and you want to discriminate
against me because Idon't have anything wrong with me. Listen, Admiral, you're
the reason I'm here. You're the reason the navy has to let everyday people
into Explorer Academy, and you're the reason I volunteered for the corps. You
managed to fix an old injustice, and I thought, 'Hey, I could help.' The
sooner people like me get integrated into the corps, the sooner the navy stops
thinking of Explorers as totally expendable freaks. But let me tell you, I've
received nothing but grief ever since I signed up. The teachers at the
Academy... the other students... all of you here... you treat me like some
annoying embarrassment who might go away if you just marginalize me enough.
Well, I'mnot going away I'm going to be an Explorer. I just wish you'd accept
that and start treating me as one of the team!"
Silence. I don't know what anyone else was doing because I'd glued my gaze to
my feet. The air was filled with the hot smell of emotions, but everything was
all mixed together: anger, guilt, indignation, embarrassment, coming from all
directions.
Finally, Festina sighed. "Dade once upon a time I would have said anyone who
wanted to be an Explorer was too fucking insane to be allowed into the corps.
But seeing as Iam the woman who forced the navy to consider Explorers as more
than 'expendable freaks'... all I'll say is that you worry me. You might have
depths I can't see, but you sure come across as a starry-eyed kid who's too
gung ho to realize the real world is dangerous. You've lived a damned pampered
life, no matter what hardships you think you've faced, and all the Academy
training in the galaxy hasn't prepared you to take care of yourself.
"But," she went on, "you aren't going to figure that out till you see for
yourself. So congratulations; you can land with us on Troyen. I'm going to
gamble that taking you down to a war-ravaged planet will open your eyes
without getting the rest of us killed. The prospect of relying on you to watch
my back scares the piss out of me, but I'm going to take the risk. Otherwise,
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