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know how deeply our failure with Coin had hurt him. I felt bad that I hadn t thought to ask.
The house had become a submarine, dead on the ocean floor. Everything looked the same, apart from the
damage I d done. But the air was different. The light that pressed in at the windows trapped us. Whatever magic
Eric had put on the building to keep us safe, I could feel it weakening, and I didn t know how much of that was
true and how much was just my own growing fear and hopelessness.
I sat in the kitchen, my stomach too knotted for food or coffee. Chogyi Jake went to each of the windows
and doors, chanting and pouring out lines of rice and salt. Propping up the wards. Buying us time.
I pictured Aubrey sitting across from me. His honey-colored hair. His bright eyes. His fingers closed around
mine. In my imagination, all the anger and weirdness from our failed date was gone. I wanted badly for it to be
true. Tears ran down my cheeks. I let them.
I blew it, I said to my imaginary Aubrey. I don t know how I managed to fuck everything up again, just
like always.
My hands were rubbing my thighs, the palms pressing into the denim hard enough for the friction to warm
them. To hurt a little.
I think I have to run away now, I said. I ve lost you and Ex. And Midian, kind of. I mean since he turns
out to be one of the bad guys, that kind of takes him off my assets column. So&
My hand was tapping on my thigh, just a light movement, like a kid tugging at her mother s dress. I watched
my own fingers, my mind mostly empty, but aware of something happening in the background. Some thought that
was struggling to bubble up from my subconscious.
I m down to nothing, I said. Taking on Coin now is a hundred times dumber than when we did it before.
I don t have the books. I don t have the rifles. I don t have the magic bullets. I ve lost&
I put my hand into the pocket of my jeans, looking for something without knowing quite what it was. It
came back out with six hundred-dollar bills. Some of the change from my shopping spree. I looked down at the
money. Benjamin Franklin looked back up at me.
I ve lost everything, I said, but the conviction was gone from my voice. I shuffled the bills one after
another. The thought wasn t quite formed yet, but I was starting to sense a vague shape. Midian coughed.
I stood up with the weird feeling that I was floating. My backpack was sitting by the front door. I unfastened
the straps. Aubrey s keys rested on top of the undifferentiated mess of my life.
Chogyi! I shouted.
I held the keys as he came down the hall. Midian was silent. I could feel him listening to us.
I need to go out, I said. How dangerous is that going to be?
Very, he said.
What about that thing where I didn t set off the alarms in Midian s apartment? Do you think that ll make it
harder for Coin to find me too?
Chogyi paused, considering. If it s difficult for one magic to see you, it may be a general effect. And you
didn t fire the rifle, so Coin s wards haven t interacted with you directly.
You re not sure, though.
No.
I took a deep breath.
I m going to risk it, I said. If I m not back by nightfall, plan without me.
I almost expected him to stop me. I don t know why. I trotted out to the minivan and headed north quickly,
before I lost my nerve. Half an hour and a certain amount of dithering later, I parked on Brighton Boulevard where
it bellied up next to the railroad tracks. I sat in the minivan, looking to the east, past the boxcars and toward the
warehouses. I got out with a sense of unreality, locked the door behind me, and set out across the tracks. A
homeless guy leaned against a huge black trash bag half a block down. I paused, remembering what Ex and
Chogyi Jake had taught me. I drew up my qi, placing it just behind my eyes. The homeless guy was still just a
homeless guy.
Ten minutes later, I was crouching where I d been before, the flaking wall against my back, my heart
tripping over itself. My throat was dry. I leaned over to peer at the warehouse. The buses were gone. Only half a
dozen cars remained. I looked for people, but didn t see anyone. I made myself stay still as I scanned the ground. It
had only been one day, and in a part of the city that stayed pretty much dead as a cod all weekend. The chances
were that it would still be where I d dropped it.
I saw it. The rifle lay flat, its barrel still pointing roughly toward the warehouse. I inched forward, one eye
on the warehouse, one on the rifle. The sun left it almost too hot to touch, but I got my hand around it and trotted
back to the cover. I tried to remember how many times I d fired while Coin walked back from the carnage. Three,
I thought.
One round still waited in the chamber, one in the magazine. Carefully, I lifted the cartridges out, feeling the
carved designs squirm against my fingertips. I dropped the nasty little things into my backpack, tucked the rifle
under my arm, and jogged back to the minivan.
Despite Ex s best efforts, I had two bullets made for killing riders. It was a thin victory, but I took pride in
it. I drove back to the house with a growing sense of possibility.
When I got there, I swept up the ruined dishes. I cleaned the coffee stain off with a rag and warm water
while Midian sat on the couch, watching me with silent, dead eyes. I stood back, considering the wall. After a little
scrubbing, the biggest problem was that the cleaned bit now looked brighter than the rest of the wall. I looked
around, suddenly aware of all the little ways that the house had fallen into disrepair during the time I d been in it.
Well, I said. Okay.
Okay? Midian asked.
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